the season of love, that is.
so don't you think that we often write things that we cannot speak and somehow hopes that someone out there would understand how you had felt. not necessary agreeing with you but just the nod and says oh yeah, i know how you felt. that's comforting enough, isn't it so? despite so much, i haven't really had the chance to know anyone. oh but the matter of fact i don't even know myself, not even a tiny whiny little bit. and a lot of times, i scare myself- a lot more then i have anticipated. i could feel all hopeful and happy yet the next i could feel the angst and despair. i guess this makes a human, a typical of a woman. this time round, i really don't want to be setting myself up again, for a fall. yet once again i'm willing to try. why? why? why? and why? i'm so so sorry, very sorry to be calling on you only when i needed help. Dear God, if i were to speak would you be here to listen? but please, there's really no one else. So God, please forgive me for not being faithful to you. Here I am, given the average life, with plenty of food and privileges that so many people could hope for but could never get, and yet I’m not using it to the fullest. In fact, I’m not appreciating any of my blessings fully. I try to, but I know it’s not enough, because I’m miserable, my life is. It’s just, everything I do, every single little thing I do, I feel like I’m doing wrong. I wished somebody can tell me what am i supposed to do next. If only i could just kind of disappear...Walking down the street of Orchard Road, with lots and lots of happy people around, very nice Christmas lights and nice warm songs playing here and there. Yet i felt extremely extremely... ... ... i don't even know how to describe how i've felt. and what is worst is that you are not even there anymore. because when i'm sad, and then you smile at me and suddenly i feel fine. i miss you, i always do. right after you turn your back and walk away, that's when i miss you the most. but i know i shouldn't be greedy and i should very well be contented that at least we are friends. what more is there to ask for? I shouldn't be trying too hard for something that'll never work out in the end anyways. I should just give up, let go of this horrible feeling.
posted by felecia @ 9:38 PM
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