my life my shit

ok great, it's been 4 weeks which means to say 1/3 of the nightmare is over. i'm taking one step at a time. and the best thing to do? nonchalant and indifferent, are the two best words i've ever known so far. i've begin to learn that that they don't really worth it- me feeling bad or guilty. for not producing the kind of work i think i should. so i guess as long as it's enough for me to get over and pass this whole damn thing, life's good. haha =D take it easy ppl, take it easy...

Right, and so i spent my weekend fruitful - my kind of fruitful. it's been some time since i last visit the home, ever since they shifted. and it's-so-cool, to have the pin number locked kind of door. but as soon as i stepped in, i'm so overwhelmed by their feelings. It's like my presence made them disappointed, you could see every head turned, and every pair of eyes that sparkles looking at you- hoping that it's someone they have been waiting for all along, their family. Only to realize that i'm not and continue dreaming away. I would never want this to happen again, ever again. And the saddest thing of all is to know that this is life, there's nothing i can do about it. but just stand and watch and pretend that it's nothing and walk away. I hate myself for that. Seriously, what's wrong with this world?

I just keep telling myself.
I will be seeing you soon and it will be better then anything else.
This keeps me going.. for all the reasons why i don't know.

posted by felecia @ 12:24 AM